The gifted perfectionist has a fixed self-concept where worth is conditional on performance. Perfectionism is more than a desire for excellence and order. Perfectionists view themselves as either good or bad, smart or dumb, worthy or unlovable depending on whether they have met an unattainable goal of perfection.
A perfectionist is a ruthless judge of perceived failures, belittling every minor misstep. What contributes to development of a perfectionist personality? How can parents help their gifted kids avoid the risks of perfectionism?
Causes of Perfectionism
While perfectionism may involve an obsessive component with a genetically determined predisposition, environment plays a strong role in the development of a perfectionist personality. Teachers and parents that stress performance over effort make children feel that they have to be perfect to remain accepted and loved.
Dr. Carol Dweck [Mindset 2006] stresses that the danger is not only from disapproval when performance does not meet an adult’s expectations, sending a message that results matter more than the child, but also in praise when a gifted child achieves success.
When a parent or teacher praises a gifted student for the latest “A,” the mistaken message is that the child must always be smart and perfect to be worthy of love. Encouragement stressing effort and process help gifted children avoid the pitfall of perfectionism. When a gifted child does well, an adult could say, “You must have really studied hard (done your research, paid attention, etc) for that “A”. Good work.” The child avoids developing a self-image tied to performance; results remain firmly linked to effort and not seemingly unalterable personal traits such as smartness.
Risks of Perfectionism
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Low self-esteem
- Procrastination
- Perfectionist paralysis
- Academic underachievement
- Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder
Perfection is impossible. This mistaken goal puts extreme pressure on the perfectionistic gifted child. Gifted students may experience extreme anxiety as project deadlines approach, fearing their performance will fall short of expectations. Perfectionists magnify minor errors and failures with hypercritical self-talk. A missed spelling word, an A minus, or a minor mistake while doing chores can set off a string of negative commentary.
This can lead to low self-esteem and chronic underachievement as a means to avoid potential failure and disappointment of self and others. By not trying, the perfectionist procrastinator can rationalize poor results as only evidencing lack of effort while protecting a self-image of being smartest, best, and perfect.
Perfectionist paralysis often overcomes a gifted child approaching a big assignment. Rather than breaking a project into manageable tasks, the perfectionist expands each portion far beyond the assigned criteria. Good enough is never an option for the perfectionist. Five page reports become thirty pages. An assignment requiring three sources leads to hours reading dozens of papers to find the best. When a perfectionist is not satisfied with the results, he or she may destroy the product rather than turning in a less than perfect performance.
While obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCD) encompasses a distinct condition where tasks are repetitively and ritualistically performed, perfectionism does contain an obsessive element; perfectionists are susceptible to developing OCD. Helping some perfectionist gifted students requires diagnosis and treatment of underlying obsessive conditions, but strengthening study skills, practicing prioritization, and modifying all-or-nothing mindsets should moderate perfectionism for most.
Parent and Teacher Roles in Overcoming Perfectionism
Perfectionism results from a childhood environment of conditional approval. Whether parents are praising successes or pointing out shortcomings in a misguided attempt to aid improvement, children get the message that their self-worth is conditional on performance. Gifted children may be especially susceptible to developing perfectionist personalities solely because they are frequently singled out for exceptional performance. Adults can encourage a flexible, growth-minded approach to challenges by emphasizing the processes leading to success rather than focusing solely on results.
Carla Marie Boulianne - Background and Interests I am a former feature writer for Parenting a Gifted Child. I relish combining personal parenting and childhood ...
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